The Substance (2024)

The Substance is an intriguing combination of The Picture of Dorian Gray, Re-Animator, the Basket Case series, and Meet the Feebles. It also serves as a darkly comedic meditation on the treatment of Hollywood actresses over 30 and the concept of "aging." The film will polarize its audience, with some turned off by the subject matter and its crude revelations, while others will embrace it, engaging with the characters' journey through the story's arc. Demi Moore, as Elizabeth Sparkles, stands out as you sympathize with her character, even though little is revealed about her beyond her desire to reclaim the glory and status of decades past. Margaret Qualley, as "Sue," is also excellent, playing the beautiful but emotionally unbalanced "counterpart" to Elizabeth. The film is less profound than it believes itself to be, but it boasts an excellent setup and a satisfying resolution. There are stylish nods throughout, tipping its hat to 1980s Euro-pulp and giallo films, which give it an almost EC Comics appeal. It's clear that many influences are at play in this project. The film had me hooked for most of its runtime, right up until the "three months later" body suit for Elizabeth. While most of the practical effects were effective, this one fell flat, making her look like a potato that had been microwaved for too long. Still, the resolution drew me back in, with echoes of Carrie swirling in my mind. I would have preferred a primarily revenge-driven plot rather than a "here are the side effects" narrative, but the project maintains enough buoyancy to succeed. Demi Moore is deserving of an award here, but certain genres rarely get a nod.

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)

It's borderline chuckles to awful, only for those high on useless nostalgia. Like the Crow it's 95% build up 1% resolution and a wasted unnecessary cameo and 3% WTF. Despite what I think it should do over $100-130 million this weekend. Non-discriminating viewers should enjoy it. {So tired of these equally as tired retreads.} 🪦😵💀

The Crow (2024)

Slow going remake, reboot. First, the good. Bill Skarsgård, who plays Eric, exceeded my expectations in the role of Eric / The Crow. While he starts off a bit cold, he really embodies the character by the end. He effectively portrays the needed mix of strength, sadness, anger, and insanity without turning the movie into camp. I also liked some of the drab visuals that in contrast made the primary colors and neon lights stand out. However, some of the stylistic choices, though they made sense, occasionally forced the film to look less than it's budget at certain points. The goth/industrial music selections were also a nice touch. Now, the bad. It seems like the film was either reshot or recut before its release, which affected the original (a sensible but more downbeat) ending. There are issues with the story's structure and pacing that hurt the overall experience. For instance, the love story and conflict take up nearly 80% of the movie, leaving room for only two good action sequences. Unfortunately, Bill Skarsgård and FKA twigs, who play Eric and Shelly, lack a bit of chemistry, made worse by the scripts lack of wit and logic. Without these key elements working, it is hard to care about what happens. The villain, Vincent Roag (Danny Huston), plays his role with menace but doesn't have a proper backstory to give his character depth. It's disappointing because I wanted to like this movie, but I can't overlook its flaws given my high regards to the original 1994 version. RIP Brandon Lee.

Alien: Romulus (2024)

Alien redo, done in the mixed style of Fede Alvarez's "Don't Breathe," and minor aesthetic elements of the Alien: Isolation (2014) video game. I liked the constant feeling of dread and the gritty, dirty look of the film, but I didn’t care much for the rogue crew or the main character’s backstory. Despite all the world-building drama, viewers are mainly here for the scares, gore, and body count, and "Romulus" mostly delivers. The casting feels a bit like a fan film, but Cailee Spaeny (as Rain Carradine), Archie Renaux (as Tyler), and David Jonsson (as Rain's "brother") stand out. The story bridges the gap between the destruction of the "Nostromo" in "Alien" (1979) and the events before "Aliens" (1986). There are only a few issues, but they stand out when looking at the bigger Alien universe. It also feels like producer Ridley Scott stepped in toward the end to leave his mark. The brief zero-gravity scene is well done, and it's surprising it hasn’t been used like this in an "Alien" movie before. Overall, in Alvarez's filmography, this sits between "Don't Breathe" (2016) and "Evil Dead" (2013). In my Alien franchise list, it ranks just slightly behind 3rd placed (with Alien/Aliens as interchangeable 1 and 2) "Prometheus" (2012), which had more time to develop its lore, although much of that was undone in "Alien: Covenant" (2017). As a standalone film, it works and is well-directed, but in the context of the series, it's entertaining. Without a proper sequel, though, it might end up feeling a bit pointless.

Harold And The Purple Crayon (2024)

I dislike criticizing movies aimed at kids, like Garfield or Kung Fu Panda. I see them as important because they appeal to both new viewers and long-time movie fans. However, I don't tolerate movies that are just cash grabs or have poorly thought-out stories that insult the audience's intelligence. I also avoid bashing the movies my son loves because watching them together creates special bonding moments for us. "Harold and the Purple Crayon" is a strange one. It should have been an enjoyable film but lacks complexity and energy. Although it shows and explains fun things, it fails to convey that fun to the viewer. The film feels as if 30-45 minutes were cut to (over)simplify the storyline or save on special effects. Comparing the poster to the movie, you'll notice that the robot, octopus, and roller coaster shown on the poster do not appear in the film. There are lapses in judgment and odd choices throughout that make little sense or are too clean and practical. Zachary Levi is good as Harold and Tanya Reynolds as Porcupine and Lil Rel Howery as Moose also perform well, but they are given mostly unfunny lines. Zooey Deschanel as Terri and Benjamin Bottani as Mel, the "mortals" in the film, are miscast as mother and son. Deschanel seems to sleepwalk through her role, silently screaming, "I'm too old for this sh*t," and repeats things we've all heard before. Bottani has his acting button pushed "on," but this isn't the right film for actors to shine. Alfred Molina, as the ghost of Crockett Johnson (the writer of the original "Harold" book), wisely only appears in the most interesting part of the film, the animated intro, which I would have preferred to see more of instead of the rest of the movie. The special effects are well done but underused until the end, and the rules of the crayon are perplexing. Jemaine Clement, as the villain Gary, waivers between being the most annoying and the best thing in the film. The future remake of this will be better.

Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

It's entertaining. A nice way to add some of the lesser Marvel films to MCU cannon and also a tribute to the Fox and New Line Cinema Marvel films. To say anything more would spoil the film for many, but this is an equal and upbeat alternate sendoff to Hugh Jackman's Wolverine in contrast to Logan (2017).

Twisters (2024)

Okay, I watched this over a week ago (from 7/16/24), and please shoot me because I'm officially done with remakes, reboots, and reimaginings. NO MORE FRANCHISES! New ideas are what make movies exciting. Originality can be challenging and difficult, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. I WANT TO BE EXCITED ABOUT GOING TO THE MOVIES AGAIN!!! A lot of people liked the original, but I remember seeing it on opening night at Sony Lincoln Square in 1996 (it was renamed AMC more than a decade later) and thinking it was just okay. The Steven Spielberg formula of throwing together a ragtag group of characters had already run its course by then, and Jan de Bont, coming off the surprise success of Speed just two years earlier, dropped the ball. None of that same urgency or intensity carried over into Twister (1996). As for Twisters, it doesn't negate, replace, or add anything to the original. It doesn't need to. It simply exists. It's its own movie, and that's all it is. It neither changes my opinion of the original nor gives me any reason to revisit it. The original Twister is ultimately a movie built around special effects and a collection of rather silly characters.

Despicable Me 4 (2024)

After watching and rewatching this movie, I've realized that some people will accept anything as entertainment. It seems that Illumination, the production company, is putting in the least amount of effort just to sell tickets and toys. The Despicable Me series, which started with heart and promise, has hit a low point with this latest film. Despicable Me 4 is not only the worst of the Despicable Me movies, but also the worst of the Minions series. The movie is just a series of mostly unfunny scenes with no real payoff. Several plot lines are left unresolved, and a character who disappeared reappears briefly with no explanation. The basic plot involves Gru (Steve Carell) facing off against a villain, Maxime Le Mal (Will Ferrell), who threatens Gru's family... yet again, with little help from the main core Minions. New "Mega" Minions are introduced but do not contribute to the story or resolution. A new female teen character, Poppy Prescott (Joey King), is added as a potential future ally or rival, but it would have made more sense to age up Gru's daughters and include them in the plot. The movie looks beautiful in 3D, but the songs by Pharrell Williams are painful to listen to, even though the orchestrated score is great. Despicable Me 4 is the anti-Inside Out of the summer. For toddlers and non-discriminating adults. Still, none of this should stop the film from doing well financially over this holiday weekend.